


A Teenage Father

by SmuttySnail (Sadsnail)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Round The Twist
Genre: Actually it’s CRACK, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mpreg, Sorry Not Sorry, Zero sex, because apparently you don’t need sex to make babies in Hogwarts, who'd have thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24162382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sadsnail/pseuds/SmuttySnail
Summary: Severus Snape falls pregnant in the oddest way possible. Luckily Lily is there to support him and more help comes from a surprising corner.Innocent crack :) Enjoy!
Comments: 10
Kudos: 27





	A Teenage Father

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Australian show 'Round The Twist' s3e1. I would never in a million years be able to think this up, it's stunning!

They caught him after class on the way to the toilets, the worst possible time as he’d been holding the urge to pee for the last hour. ‘They’ being the Marauders, Potter, Black and Lupin, with Pettigrew as usual tagging behind.

“There you are, Snivellus!” Potter yelled which was all the warning thirteen-year-old Severus Snape needed to start running. Something blue flashed behind him, hitting the spot he had just vacated. He picked up speed, skidding around the corner, nearly crashing into a group of Hufflepuff girls who yelled obscenities at him.

“Excuse us, Ladies!” Black called and Severus heard the girls giggle. Of course they would, everyone loved the Gryffindor gang. 

Severus picked up speed, flew down the marble stairs four by four, and was through the castle entrance and out. A red streak followed him into the sunlit courtyard, singeing his heels. They were not fooling around today, it would not be enough to just find an older group of Slytherins—Lily’s idea, and one which gained him the unfortunate moniker Snivellus—no, he would make for the Forbidden Forest.

“We’re going to get you, Snivellus!”

“Be scared!” yelled Pettigrew. “Be very scared!”

His bladder was fit to burst. He was going to have an accident and then he would never hear the end of it! Severus crossed the courtyard and the grounds, faster than he had ever run before, making for the trees. He could hide there and wait them out, surely they would get bored.

Gleeful laughter behind him warned of their imminent arrival and he crossed a meadow into a copse and hid behind a huge oak. That was it, he couldn’t take it anymore, his bladder was going to burst, he just needed a second to… Raising his robe he whipped little Severus out and relieved himself in a hot stream against the oak’s trunk.

“Ahh…” Merlin that felt good. It was his own fault for having that extra pumpkin juice at lunch and then double Transfigurations with the Gryffindors where he was not going to do anything that brought the Marauders’ attention to him. Normal body functions would only be fuel for crude jokes. Never again.

The tree rustled and shook. “Ah!” A girl’s melodious voice sang from above. “I’ve finally found someone!”

What? He strained his head back but couldn’t see anyone in the branches. Oh Merlin, just his luck to choose a tree in which a student hung out!

“There he is!” Pettigrew shouted, crossing the meadow, and then they were close enough to see what he was doing. They turned to a walk, not needing to hurry for in his present predicament he was cornered. “Look! He’s found a lavotree!” Potter yelled and Black burst out laughing, Lupin looked like he wanted to be somewhere else and Pettigrew pointed his wand mockingly at Severus’s stream of pee, bending double in idiotic laughter. 

His never-ending stream of pee. The ground around his sneakers were turning to mud and still there was no end. If he didn’t know better he would say he was poisoned but he had learned in the first week, years ago, after Black had paid someone to add mushrooms in his stew to check all his food. You did not get any respect from your house if you walked around like a purple spotted loon too often.

“Oh no,” Severus groaned, crushing his face into the rough bark. “I’m going to die…”

“If I help you, will you help me?” the invisible girl in the branches asked.

“Yes!” Slytherin or not, he was ready to promise anything. “Please!”

This would be the last time in his life he promised anyone anything without a contract and a lawyer. For now though it looked worth it as the tree’s branches started swatting the Marauders one by one, Lupin the first to land face down into the newly made mud. Potter followed next, then Pettigrew and Black. They were wise enough to retreat. Black tried to cast a Jelly-Legs Jinx at him but a branch deflected it right back and he tumbled to the ground a second time, his bones too wobbly to support him. 

“We’ll get you, Snivellus!” Pettigrew called as this time they retreated fully, Potter and Lupin carrying Black between them. Pettigrew had his wand pointed at Severus but he did not cast. “You might be saved now by your tree but the last tree you see will be the cemetery!”

“Try me, pissface!” Severus shouted back.

Not a wise thing to shout if their reactions were anything to go on. Suffice it to say he had smarter days. The stream finally petered out and he tucked little Severus back into his pants, and just in time too, for the mysterious girl appeared in a shower of sparkles in front of him.

“Thank you,” Severus said, feeling his ears heat up at the knowledge that she had seen his most private bits. She was taller than him, barefoot and dressed in a flowy robe, his first guess would be Hufflepuff but Ravenclaws were kooky also if not supervised. “I owe you one.”

“You’re welcome. My name is Jeanie Dryad, will you be my friend?”

“Sure,” he said without thought. He needed contacts and someone who wasn’t afraid to take on the Marauders was an excellent choice. “In which house are you?”

“In the tree.”

“No, I mean—”

“I’m the spirit of this tree,” she said simply. “It is where I live. Where do you live?”

Severus Snape, third-year Slytherin student, top of his class, pointed his thumb over his shoulder, mutely indicating the castle that towered in the background. Did she just say she was a tree spirit? Had she lost her mind? Was she bullied also? He should get her to Madam Pomfrey, the Mediwitch. 

“Oh.” She looked at the castle. “I’ve never been in that tree before. I like you. Will you be my boyfriend?”

And in the spirit of the day, which seemed to be: ‘Let’s make bad decisions’, Severus said yes. He had dealings with crazy people before, their one neighbour in Spinners End thought she was a cat, and agreeing until you could get away always seemed for the best. Madam Pomfrey would sort her. 

On the way to the castle they passed a small, dried-out tree, and Jeanie stopped to lament the fact that it was dying because it had no spirit of its own.

“I’ll help you save him later,” Severus said and took her hand to get her moving again. Yet another mistake. “I’ll help you save all the trees you want but first come with me, I heard the dinner bell.”

* * *

Jeanie Dryad disappeared before he could bring her to Madam Pomfrey. He breathed a sigh in relief and went to dinner unconcerned; her house prefect would miss her and sort it, he was sure. 

He told his best friend, Lily Evans, about her while they did their Potions homework and then Lily nearly took him to the Mediwitch, especially once she heard what he had shouted at her fellow housemen.

“I don’t know why you can’t just get along with them, Sev.”

“Have you asked them this also?”

“I don’t need to, they’re not my friends.”

“They aren’t my friends either. We don’t have to get along with everyone anyway.”

He had tried to explain to her the boys felt they were superior to him, that even if he was dressed exactly like them and his hair did not turn to oil every afternoon—hopefully puberty would sort that—then they still would not want to be his friend. He was Slytherin and that was worse than being a half-blood. She was muggleborn and they didn’t bother her, did they? That was Lily’s defence. Because she was a Gryffindor, a girl, and Potter fancied her, Severus said. They didn’t need anything from him.

Jeanie Dryad appeared in his bedroom again that same evening and that’s the moment he accepted that she was not a student and not a witch. The prefects had told them there were so many wards against girls in the boys dorms and vice versa that the castle could fall and the wards would still stand. Thank Merlin he didn’t have to share his bedroom with other students like they did in Gryffindor. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” she said and hugged him. Then kissed him. Snape froze when her pink lips molded moistly to his. “I’m so happy! I want to be with you forever,” she said, kissing him again. 

“I also want to be with—” No! He didn’t want to be with her forever. He couldn’t play to her delusions anymore. She should know they were never going to be more than friends. He’d help with the trees because he kept his promises but that was that. “Jeanie, I think we need to talk.”

“You’re right. Now that we’re going to have a baby I should at least know your name.”

“It’s Severus. What?!”

“Severus. Oh, what a lovely name.” She turned a full circle in happiness. “And this is your tree?”

“Yes. No. Wait a moment, this doesn’t make sense! What do you mean we’re going to have a baby?” Grabbing his wand he sent a locking spell to his door. His heart was beating in his throat and he couldn’t help a look at her flat stomach. She was definitely mental. And… simple. “How can we be having a baby?”

“Well, it’s different for Dryads. Once a boy’s … _peed_ on you and you’ve held hands and kissed it’s only natural.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“Of course it is, silly.” She took his hands again and held tight. “All I ask is that I can be there at the birth.”

That’s it. She’s totally lost it. “Mothers are usually present at birth, if you’re really going to have a baby you’ll be the first one there.” Thirteen was too young to be a father! 

“Spirits can’t have babies, silly,” Jeanie said and laughed. “That’s why you're having it.”

“Wha…”

“In two days you’re going to be a mother!”

The world went black.

* * *

He sicked up on waking. Then sicked up again at breakfast, needing to run from the dining hall when he smelled the eggs, his stomach cramping. His perfectly round stomach was cramping. He looked like he had swallowed a quaffle. Thank Merlin for robes! It hid his baby-bump from everyone and helped him not to think of it also.

Jeanie followed him everywhere in the halls. A transparent figure to his eyes she seemed to be invisible to others, even the Professors. The latter being a good thing for she never stopped talking. She found everything in his ‘tree’ fascinating and asked him a million questions; he looked demented, whispering and hissing to himself. By the end of the day the kids were staring at him strangely and Lily cornered him to ask what’s up.

 _“Who is she?’ Jeanie asked. “Another girlfriend?”_ She looked jealous, her eyes glittered and he remembered how she had taken care of the Marauders.

“No!” he whispered a hasty assurance. “She’s just a friend!”

“Of course I’m your friend, Sev,” Lily said, thinking he’s talking to her. “That’s why I want to know what’s wrong, so I can help.”

 _"Tell her nothing is wrong with you, you’re just going to have OUR baby. It’s a beautiful time in your life,”_ Jeanie ordered.

“Shh!”

Lily frowned, thinking she was being shushed but looked around the busy corridor and said: “You’re right, let’s go find somewhere private.”

They went to the Library, their favourite place.

* * *

“You’re not going to have a baby in two days,” Lily assured him, setting a stack of books next to his elbow. “Start with those, I’m getting more.”

Severus ignored the books and followed her into the stacks. “Are you sure?” he asked and raised his robe. 

Lily Evans screamed. 

Madam Pince threw both of them out of the library and no amount of begging got her to release the books. 

“You’re not equipped to have a baby, you’re a boy!” Lily hissed, managing to sound as if being a boy was his fault.

“Oh I say, I am as good as any girl, I’d like to think I’ll be a good father,” he protested. His own father might not be good enough to teach him how to be a dad but he certainly could teach him how not to be. He still wasn’t so clear on whether he was going to be a father or mother, it was all too confusing. He would love to know how seahorses sorted it.

“That’s not what I meant you idiot! You don’t have girl parts!”

 _"Not a very good friend if she calls you an idiot,”_ Jeanie said with a sniff.

“Shh!”

“Don’t shush me, Sev!”

“I’m not! I was—it was—I was talking to—” No, he didn’t want them to meet. “Listen, do you want to see my stomach again? It’s obvious I have the parts.”

“Severus,” Lily said, taking a deep breath for patience, “girls push babies out _down there!_ How are you going to push a baby out, through your bum?!”

“Jeanie said it will come out through my mouth.”

“Don’t call your baby it.”

“Sorry.”

“Babies don’t come out of your mouth.”

“I know, I’m not an idiot. This is a Dryad baby though so maybe they do.”

“I want to talk to Jeanie. She sounds not all there if you ask me.”

 _"Excuse me?"_ said Jeanie from behind Lily’s shoulder. " _That’s not a very nice thing to say, Severus!"_

“I know! I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay.” Lily patted his hand thinking he was talking to her. “You don’t have to be sorry, I bet she’s just a seventh year playing a joke on you, can you take me to her?”

“I…” He looked at Jeanie who now stood arms crossed and glaring at Lily. It definitely wasn’t a good idea to have them meet.

“Severus. If I don’t meet her I will take you to the Infirmary.”

“Fine, but outside!”

* * *

Outside was the Marauders, waiting for them in the courtyard.

“Stand aside, Evans,” Potter told her, sticking his chest out. “This is between us guys.”

“Time to pay the Piper, Snivellus,” Black said.

They all had their wands trained at him, there was no way he could get his out in time, he was going to be hexed into this time next week. Jeanie who might have helped had disappeared in a huff in the third corridor, angry at Lily, and Lily was pulling at Severus to stand behind her. “Think of the baby!” she hissed when he protested.

“Oh, now you believe me?”

“What are you two on about?” Potter asked. “Stand aside, Evans.”

“Yeah, or we’ll hex you too,” Pettigrew cackled.

“No, we won’t.” Potter said and reached behind Lupin to thump Pettigrew one. 

Black snickered. “Look at you, hiding behind a girl.”

“I’m not!” Later he would blame the hormones. When he wasn’t cramping, he was tearing up, and when he wasn’t tearing up, he wanted to snap at everything that moved. He pushed Lily behind him and raised his robe. Merlin, his stomach was even larger! “You can’t hex me, I’m pregnant!”

Four jaws unhinged. A fifth-year Ravenclaw girl stopped and stared. Lily gasped and rightfully so because he had practically sworn her to secrecy.

Lupin was the first to lower his wand. “Boys can’t get pregnant.”

“That’s what I said,” Lily said.

“Make up your mind,” Severus told her sharply and immediately felt bad. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, it’s your hormones." She patted his arm. “My friend’s mother had a baby and she was just shout—”

“How?” Black interrupted her and got thumped by James also but he didn’t seem to be bothered. Severus didn’t understand how they could be so rough with each other and still be best of friends.

“I kissed a Dryad.” And peed on her tree. “In the forest yesterday.” He realised he was still standing with his robe up, showing not only his two-quaffle stomach but also his pants to the whole courtyard. He dropped the robe quickly. “The pregnancy will take two days so you can hex me after tomorrow.”

“Fine.” Potter lowered his wand. “Don’t think we won’t.”

“I don’t think so at all.”

* * *

Jeanie refused to show up and talk to Lily. It didn’t matter anymore though for she believed him now. 

The whole school knew but strangely he wasn’t lampooned. Girls wanted to touch his stomach and feel for ‘movement’, and boys wanted to know exactly how it happened so they could avoid it.

His stomach grew by the hour, and by the time he was called to the Infirmary he had a four-quaffle abdomen, backache and waddled like a duck. Madam Pomfrey tsked.

“You should have come to me much earlier, Mr Snape. We need to assure ourselves of your and your baby’s health.”

“Sorry, Madam Pomfrey.”

“That’s all right.” She patted his head. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m nauseous, my stomach hurts, my back hurts, I want to cry, I think we need to concentrate on world peace and I want to eat pickled cockroach cluster stuffed Plimpy on toast.” Severus sniffled. “And I want to cry.”

“There, there.” Madam Pomfrey patted his head again and held out a potion. “Drink this, it’s antenatal vitamins.”

He drank it. Which reminded him. He held his throat. “Am I really going to deliver through my mouth?”

“Yes, dear, that’s how Dryad babies are born.”

The world twisted and tilted and the Mediwitch helped him to lie down, encouraging deep breaths.

Headmaster Dumbledore came, all twinkling blue eyes and merry smiles. “Peed on a tree, did you, Mr Snape?”

“Yes, sir.”

“In the Forbidden Forest if I am not mistaken?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Do you think perhaps there might be a reason we call the Forest forbidden, Mr Snape?”

“I…” Now was the time to tell him he was chased there by Gryffindor bullies. What hell this life had been, from the moment they had opened the compartment door on the Hogwarts Express. How none of the prefects cared and his housemaster, Professor Slughorn said it was just normal hijinx. He could get them all into trouble! It was their fault he was pregnant! Something fluttered and kicked in his abdomen and he hugged the round ball it had become. Shame assailed him. Was this what he would teach his son or daughter? To be a snitch? Or would he teach his child to stand up for themselves and to learn how to deal with their problems head-on! He teared up. “Sorry, sir. I was just exploring, I won’t do it again.”

“That will be detention then, Mr Snape.”

“Yes, sir. Now?”

“Oh, I think it can wait until after your baby was born, don’t you say?”

“Thank you, sir.” 

“I’ll see if I can get the kitchen-elves to make you, what was it? Pickled cockroach cluster stuffed Plimpy?”

“Oh, yes, sir! On toast!”

He was sent on his way and told to come back when he had contractions. When he asked how he would know if he was having them, the Mediwitch patted his head yet another time, and told him: “Oh, you’ll know!”

* * *

No one thought to inform his mum and dad that they would be grandparents soon and he thought long and hard on whether or not he should Owl them himself. In the end he decided to surprise them with their new grandchild on Christmas. It was little over a month away, so he should be quite a good dad by then; they might even be proud of him.

There was more than one student sicking up at the Slytherin table that night, watching him eat, and the next day at breakfast he had a wide space all to himself.

Reporters tried to invade the school, quills flying in his face, but Professor McGonagall took charge and hexed them all until they got the idea. Thereafter they were banned from the school grounds and had to be content with trying to catch a glimpse of the new mother to be from the gates.

School continued on. Severus was not excused from classes but girls brought him soft pillows to sit on and some Hufflepuffs asked what colours he wanted the baby booties to be. Most boys gave him a wide berth in case it was catching, some thought it very funny and roasted him from afar. The Marauders caught up with him outside Charms.

“You really are pregnant,” Potter stated. 

“Yes.”

James Potter sneered. “Don’t think we’re not waiting for you! We’ll get you when it’s out!”

“Don’t call his baby IT,” Lily said from behind Potter where she had arrived in a group of girls, and kicked Potter’s ankle. “Use proper pronouns!”

“Now, Miss Evans,” Professor Flitwick said from the classroom door. “We’ll have none of that, we're all friends here.” He stood aside and bade them enter.

“When _he or she_ is out,” Potter hissed in Severus’s ear in passing.

“I think it will be a boy,” Severus told him, smiling giddily from ear to hissed-in-ear. He was feeling quite good at that moment, nevermind that he had felt quite bad a moment before. Hormones! He felt a twinge in his bladder and blabbered out of character. “May I be excused, sir? Only I need to go to the toilet, my little boy is pressing right on my bladder, I need to go every five minutes! Madam Pomfrey said it’s quite natural.” 

“Off you go, lad. Don’t be late,” said Professor Flitwick and patted Severus’s stomach, being too short to reach his head.

* * *

It happened right after the last class. Severus felt the sudden desire to walk, and since he had started burping and belching volubly, causing students to scatter like startled deer, he and Lily decided to walk outside. 

Lily had snuck into the Library, hidden in the midst of a group of Ravenclaws, not yet being in Madam Pince’s good books, and scored them THE BOOK. The book of all books. _Introduction to Sexual Health Education: Sounds like Puberty!_ It was pink and most of it talked about hair and zits and uncomfortable odours but the last chapter dealt with pregnancy and delivery—which was horrible, they both felt faint after reading that!—and walking was supposed to be good for helping ease birth. He was game for anything that made THAT easier!

They were near the Shrieking Shack when Severus realised his mistake. His stomach contracted so hard it brought him to his knees and he yelled in pain. 

“It started!” Lily shouted, sounding much too excited for what was happening. He was too busy dealing with the contraction but he thought she was hopping on the spot.

So far he had managed to pretend he was dreaming the whole thing but you cannot dream this type of pain. It felt like his insides was being ripped apart. When the contraction passed he heaved for breath only to burp, long and impossibly loud.

“Ew! Snivellus! The smell!”

“Stop that, Potter!” Lily shouted. “He’s having the baby, you need to help me get him back to school!”

“We don’t need to do any—”

“Oww!” Severus buckled again, grabbing his abdomen. He yelled and burped and wished he could die.

“Okay! Okay we’ll help! Sirius, get his other arm!” Potter ordered, and the two of them grabbed hold of Severus, pulling him upright. “To the Infirmary, yeah?” 

“No! I’m not going to make it!” He might make it but they had passed a couple of hundred students on the way here and he couldn’t imagine letting them see him like this. “Please, take me to the shack!”

The boys hesitated.

“Please. Ow!”

“Okay…” Potter agreed. “There’s a mattress, just don’t complain to us that it’s dirty.”

“I don’t care!” He belched. And belched. 

Together they entered the shack, Lily holding tight to Severus’s hand, and there was indeed a mattress. Not too dirty but he could see dog hair. “You need to shake it out,” he told them. 

“I thought you didn’t care,” Potter said, but ordered: “Remus, Peter, shake the thing out and be quick, he’s bloody heavy.”

“It’s the baby,” Severus said. He was not fat!

“Yeah, right.”

When he lay on the cleaner mattress they kneeled around him, Lily trying to see into his mouth. She had the book open in her one hand, referring to it as if it was the epitome of knowledge.

“You need to get Jeanie,” Severus told Potter. “The Dryad, my…” Girlfriend? “... the baby's father. She needs to be here.”

The boys snickered but Pettigrew was dispatched to the tree.

Another contraction came, followed by burping and Black mentioning his uncle who could burp the alphabet, did he want to try? No, he didn’t.

“I can’t see if you’re dilated,” Lily said, her fingers in Severus’s mouth. “How do you feel?”

“Like I’m about to deliver a Mooncalf, I just want this over with!” Another contraction ripped through him and he crushed someone’s hand. Potter’s. He crushed his hand a little bit harder to get him back for the time Potter hexed his teeth soft. Potter joined in his next: “Ow!”

Then Black was holding his jaw open and peering down his throat, asking: “Sure it’s not a furball? Remus, take a look?”

“Cats have furballs, what would I know about it?” Lupin said but did take a look. “OH MY GOD!”

“What!?” everyone shouted, and Severus struggled up on his elbows, his heart beating wildly.

Lupin sat back and giggled. “Nothing, it was a joke! You should have seen your faces!”

“It’s not a joke if you have to tell people it’s funny,” Lily said.

“Sorry!” he said but giggled still and when the burp turned wet Severus aimed the bright green slime in his direction.

The room filled with a sparkling rainbow and Jeanie appeared, saving Lupin from becoming ‘that person who thumped pregnant mothers’. 

“Oh, Severus! I’m so sorry I got mad!” Jeanie cried. “I’m here now!”

Severus didn’t feel vindicated that Lily could finally see her, he could barely breathe and the contractions were on top of each other now. “Forget that, Jeanie! What do we do?!”

“Breathe!” she told him and went to support his head, cradling him against her. “Our baby is coming! Burp!” 

Lily took over his hand and Potter went to kneel at his feet, holding his arms out ready to catch.

Severus burped and burped and thought it would never end, everyone was shouting encouragement and telling him to breathe, when suddenly his throat _expanded_ and he sat with a slimy Dryad baby in his own arms. Potter lowered his hands, failing to hide his disappointment. 

The green baby opened his eyes and cried. It was possibly the most beautiful sound in the world. He was tiny, greener than the Quidditch court grass, fitting perfectly in both of Severus’s hands, wrinkled like an old man, and brown hairy leaves covered his head. Severus didn’t think he’d ever seen anything so ugly but beautiful still.

“It’s the most beautiful Dryad spirit baby ever,” Jeanie cooed over his shoulder. Lily hugged her, then she hugged Severus, and then for some reason Potter popped up next to her and he got a hug too.

Lupin was weeping silent tears of joy.

“Gives you a real… lump to your throat… doesn’t it,” Black said with tears in his eyes also. 

Then Severus’s contractions started again and he passed his baby to Lily and raised up on his elbows to heave a mighty burp.

“Could be twins!” Potter said and held his arms out again.

“What did I miss!?” Pettigrew shouted, rushing into the room.

Severus gave a massive, endless burp, and green slime spewed in his lap in a long disgusting tendril.

The general consensus was: “Ew!”

“The after-burp!” Lily exclaimed, raising the book in the air and the Marauders sagged against the wall, looking pale.

Jeanie was holding their son. “That small, dried out tree is going to be so happy, you saved its life!”

Oh. Severus had not expected that. 

Jeanie Dryad waited patiently for him to feel better and, helped by Potter and Black, Lily, Lupin, and Pettigrew following behind, Severus went into the Forbidden Forest once more to give his baby up. They stopped at the little dried-up tree, a somber group with only Jeanie smiling at the sight.

The Marauders took turns holding his son, wishing him a good and healthy life, happiness, sunshine, and lots of birds in his branches.

“Fairy godmothers,” Lily whispered to Severus, listening to them, and he nodded, remembering the Muggle story. 

When it was his turn they stepped back and paid him the respect of not looking. Then Jeanie Dryad took his baby and disappeared.

* * *

Life went on like normal. No, that was a lie. Severus braved detentions visiting his son and was there when the first new leaf unfurled. 

The students soon forgot his two day pregnancy, and his parents were never told. School went on the same as before. No, that was another lie. The Marauders had been leaving him in peace. He only realised that a week after the birth, when he passed Madam Pomfrey in the hall and she commented that she missed him. “No tentacles, Mr Snape? Boils? How’s your teeth, all nice and hard?”

Oh, no. The Marauders had started something new and he had no idea what their plan was! They were ignoring him. No, not ignoring, Black had actually greeted him civilly the day before and asked after his tree-baby. In a non-confrontational way. Severus could not discern any ridicule in his tone or his words: “How’s your son, Snape? Any new leaves?” That was it. He even sounded as if he wanted to hear the answer. 

Lily told him to enjoy it while it lasted and that there was no use trying to analyze everything, boys were just weird.

“I’m a boy,” he said in case she had forgotten that.

“Exactly.”

“You’re not as funny as you think you are,” he grumped. 

The suspense was killing him.

A week of that and he couldn’t take it anymore. It was worse than when they were actively hexing him. He cornered Lupin, the one who rarely took part in the activities, always on the fringes, and the one he thought most likely to give him a straight answer. Unlike Pettigrew, who also didn’t take an active part but more so because he was a spineless rat and like a rat would bite when cornered.

‘Why haven’t you done anything to me?” Severus asked, keeping his hand in his pocket, clutching his wand nervously.

“We’re done.” Lupin patted Severus’s shoulder. “We can’t do anything to you that will top a Burp Baby, mate.”

And that was that.

***

_Thanks for reading!_


End file.
